--- begin forwarded text >On the subject of Grass....and God said to St Francis... >GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world >is >going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, >thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden >plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply >with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts >butterflies, >honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of >colors >by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. > >ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. >They >started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them >and replace them with grass. > >GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract >butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental >with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing >there? > >ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep >it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any >other >plant that crops up in the lawn. > >GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. >That must make the Suburbanites happy. > >ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut >it, >sometimes twice a week. > >GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? >ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. >GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? >ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. >GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. >And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? > > >ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir. >GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on >the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a >lot of work. > >ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops >growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they >can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. > >GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer >stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring >to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the >ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect >the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance >the soil. It's a natural circle of life. > >ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new >circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay >to have them hauled away. > >GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter >and to keep the soil moist and loose? > >ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something >which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of >the >leaves. > >GOD: And where do they get this mulch? >ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. >GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're >in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? > >ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about... >GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis. --- end forwarded text -- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Rex L. Bavousett Photographer The University of Iowa University Communications & Outreach - Publications 100 OPL, Iowa City, IA 52242 http://www.uiowa.edu/~urpubs/ mailto:[log in to unmask] voice: 319 384-0053 fax: 319 384-0055 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mitakuye Oyasin - We are all One People ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - For SC email list T-and-C, send: GET TERMS-AND-CONDITIONS.CURRENT to [log in to unmask]